Yesterday, while the rest of the planet was united in the fight against global warming by participating in ‘Earth Hour’, China was secretly making other plans.
China, being the single largest producer of carbon emissions in the entire world, has always stood very firmly against the idea of environmental protection.
In previous years, the Chinese Government has encouraged its citizens to waste energy by leaving their lights and T.V.’s on overnight, and by implementing an energy tax that taxed people for not driving their cars enough.
This year, however, China has decided to kick things up a notch.
In what they’ve called ‘Coal Hour’, the Chinese Government has announced that they will burn as much coal as is humanly possible within one hour, in an effort to counteract the good caused by ‘Earth Hour’.
“It’s like our yin to their yang,” a Chinese official told reporters.
“If you have ‘Earth Hour’ and reduce pollution by a certain amount, we will have to retaliate with ‘Coal Hour’ to make sure that there is no overall change to the world.”
Several environmental activists and agencies have condemned China for their proposed ‘Coal Hour’, but their complaints may have fallen on deaf ears.
“China doesn’t care about what you think,” the Chinese President announced in a press conference earlier this morning.
“We will do whatever it takes to make sure that ‘Earth Hour’ fails and that the environment suffers.”
When asked why China was so against protecting the environment, the conversation took a nihilistic turn.
“In China, we believe that life is meaningless, and take every chance we get to hasten our own inevitable demise,” the President replied somberly.
“The environment is simply collateral damage; our one true goal is to eradicate the entire human race, so that we may all sleep peacefully in the eternity of death.”
China has told the world they will begin the coal burning sometime early next week, and warned of military action for any nation who attempts to intervene.
The entire world has eyes on China.