“Seedy Corbyn’s at it again,” a royalist exclaimed at a press conference held earlier this morning at Buckingham Palace.
Since Saturday, numerous reports had circled that Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn, known to want to do away with the Monarchy, had open mouth kissed a swan.
The incident in question took place at a Labour Party meeting that was held by a lake, with bystanders claiming that Corbyn got a “crazed look” in his eye once he spotted the birds.
It is common knowledge that the Queen owns every single swan in England, and it also well known that Papa Jerry doesn’t have much love for the Queen.
When the Labour Leader’s staff saw the birds they knew they had to act fast, and immediately tried to hide them from him by standing in front of the lake.
However Corbyn, not one to be mislead, soon caught on to the ruse.
He grabbed a Labour volunteer by the shoulder and slammed her to the ground, revealing the majestic swans he was so desperately seeking.
“It was the musky smell of the swans that aroused Corbyn initially,” a Palace representative told the press.
“Once the volunteer was out of his way and he had confirmed the birds location, he made his move. Corbyn turned his back to the swans, bent down in a slight squat, and grabbed his waist with both hands. He knew exactly what he was doing.”
The representative continued: “Some of the swans and bystanders walked away, but after a few minutes, a single, curious swan approached. Corbyn knew he had attracted a winner, and it was then that he began his monstrous act.”
The last time Buckingham Palace released a statement about the mistreatment of one of her Majesty’s swans was in 1988, in a gruesome case that shook the world to its very core.
19 year old Francis O’Connell hit one of the Queen’s swans with his truck, instantly killing the defenseless bird.
Three days after the Palace announced the horrible news, O’Connell went missing, and to this day the young lad’s body still hasn’t turned up anywhere.
The Palace denied any connection to the O’Connell disappearance.
In time, we might see a similar fate befall Corbyn, but until then, the Palace asks for an apology from Mr Corbyn, and for him to spend a week in the dungeon with friendly Jerome.
The swan in question claims that it and Corbyn are in love, although the Palace is certain that the act was performed out of spite of Her Majesty.