We’re less than a quarter through the year, yet we’ve already seen 10 decades worth of bizarre happenings around the world.
We’ve had dabbing, hover-boards, damn Daniel, hell, we’ve even had another Kim-K almost-nude-selfie on Twitter.
And now, to make 2016 even crazier, long-dead humanitarians are coming back to life in order to endorse Bernie Sanders for President.
What a truly, truly amazing world we live in.
During a press conference and while celebrating his win in Michigan on Super Tuesday, it is reported that Bernie Sanders was approached by three re-animated corpses.
The zombie-like creatures limped their way up to the podium, past security, and joined the Senator on stage.
“Hello, America. Long time no see.”, proclaimed Martin Luther King Jr., “It seems you have come a long way since my death, and I am happy. A black President! Amazing. I will now be at peace in the afterlife.”
The crowd, half-worried they were about to be killed and eaten by the zombies, half-worried about their relationship with god and whether or not they’d be allowed to enter the aforementioned afterlife, clapped and cheered nervously.
“But wait, my friends, there is more”, King Jr. gestured to the two other zombified-corpses. “Mother Teresa and Gandhi are also here with me.”
The crowd went from a nervous cheer to a deafening roar of clapping, screaming, shouting, and foot stomping. Never before had they seen such a breathtaking sight.
After the noise quietened, Mother Teresa took the microphone.
“As my good friend Marty said, you have come a long way. You’re progressive. Compared to 100 years ago, you have almost achieved total equality between all people. But, there is just one thing you must do in order to keep things moving in the right direction.”
“Just one small, tiny little thing”, added Gandhi.
“Yes”, replied King Jr., “You MUST elect Senator Bernie Sanders as President.”
The three zombies then hoisted the Senator onto their shoulders, and began chanting his name.
“Bernie! Bernie! Bernie! Feel the Bern!”, the entire room shouted.
And then, just as everybody in the room was thinking to themselves ‘this is the greatest moment of my life’, the three corpses collapsed to the floor, in a lifeless, dead heap.
We will probably never know how or why these amazing humanitarians came back to life for a single day, but there is one thing that we do know for certain.
They endorsed Bernie Sanders.
God bless America.