(Source: Niantic, Fair Use)
It’s common knowledge that if you head on over to Area 51 in South Nevada, you’re going to find aliens, U.F.O.s, and all kinds of other paranormal entities such as ghosts, E.T., and probably bigfoot.
But did you know that you can find a Mewtwo there as well? According to a recent Police report, it’s true.
On July 11th at 3:30 AM, a man named Steve Whittaker was arrested after he jumped over the barbed wire fence that runs along the outskirts of Area 51. His reason for breaking in? He wanted to find an alien.
“I’d had a lot to drink that night, and after a full day of playing Pokémon Go I felt like going on an actual adventure in search of some real-life aliens”, Whittaker told reporters.
“But after I jumped the fence, my phone vibrated and I saw that there was a Mewtwo only 3 steps away, and I had to go find it.”
But before Whittaker could catch the fabled Mewtwo, he was set upon by a small army of Police officers, who were determined to stop him from catching the legendary Pokémon.
“I was about to throw my first Pokéball when they tackled me,” Whittaker complained.
“I was all like ‘No! Just let me catch it first!’, but they weren’t having any of it. They really didn’t want me to catch that Mewtwo”.
“I think it’s all some kind of government conspiracy,” Whittaker whispered to no-one in particular.
“They’re keeping him locked up in Area 51 and they won’t let us catch him. I wonder what they’re planning to do with him.”
In response to Whittaker’s outcry of government conspiracy, President Barack Obama held a press conference in which he emphatically denied the existence of Area 51, aliens, and Mewtwo.
“Come on guys, we’ve been over this a thousand times before! Area 51 and aliens simply do not exist,” Obama told the press.
“And as for Mewtwo… If we really had him locked up in some top secret location, don’t you think I would have caught him and added him to my own team?”
“Because I’ve been itching to take over the White House gym ever since this game came out, but some asshole keeps putting his 1800 CP Snorlax in and I just can’t beat it.”
Not believing Obama’s story, thousands of angry Pokémon Go fans formed at the gate of the White House demanding that The President hand over Mewtwo and any other legendary Pokémon he had hidden away.
“This is a massive violation of human rights, or something,” a protester shouted at White House staff.
“Ever since we were kids we’ve wanted this, and like everything else that is good in our lives, you’ve found a way to take it from us.”
It is still unknown whether President Obama will give in to the protesters’ demands and share the captured Mewtwo, or if he will ever succeed in capturing the White House gym.